Happy Place

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”- Romans 12:2

If you've never been to the site, BibleGateway.com has a "Verse of the Day" each day.  The hubby leaves it open for me after he leaves for work in the morning and today, I've left the tab open for myself all day long because this scripture is really working on my insides today...but not in the usual way.  


You see, I struggle at times.  Literally - just a couple nights ago - I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing because it seems like every time we have more paperwork to do or more to discuss, it ends up in an argument.  (He reminded me it was like this last time too.)  My brain automatically assumed that maybe it meant we were out of God's will.  In reality, it's my head that is the problem.  You know, the one that thinks things through a little too much.  The one that blows things out of proportion when they don't need to be.  There are people all around me who are pregnant.  We're so excited for every one of them...but no matter how hard I try to tuck them securely away, the same feelings of "why not me?" still come to surface from time to time.  (To any pregnant people I know, please don't feel bad and please keep reading...I have a point.)


What's stirring in my heart today is the part where it instructs me, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world".  (I'm probably taking it way out of context, but bear with me -- it's bringing me to a "happy place".)  Anyway, what I'm realizing is that I've totally been conforming to the pattern of this world.  Once again, I'm not being honest with myself and accepting that the "normal" way of having a family may not be God's will for us, that He has other plans and other children that He needs us to care for as our own.  (I've been here before...you'd think I'd learn!)  I'm not sure how I'm going to "test and approve what God's will is" but I do know for a fact that it is good, pleasing and perfect.  (Just look at my son!)  


So I'll continue to walk blindly in faith, trusting the entire way that He will show us if we are to redirect.  Until then, I trust, with an excited smile on my face as I wait to find His will.