His Eyes

Have I blogged about this song before?  It wouldn't surprise me if I have.  Heck, it wouldn't surprise me if I've written this exact post before!  Ever since I was little, this song has impacted me.  It comes up every now and then in my life and in those moments, I'm always filled to overflowing with God's love.  Especially when I hear this part:

Sometimes I look above me when starts are shining
And I feel so small;
How could the God of Heaven and all creation
Know I'm here at all.
But then in the silence He whispers,
"My child, I created you too.
And you're my most precious creation;
I even gave My Son for you."

Umm.  Wow.  I'm at a loss for what else I can even say about that.  So...just...wow.


His Eyes - by Steven Curtis Chapman

Sometimes His eyes are gentle
And filled with laughter,
And sometimes they cry;
Sometimes there is a fire
Of Holy anger,
In Jesus’ eyes.
But the eyes that saw hope in the hopeless,
That saw through the fault to the need,
Are the same eyes that look down from Heaven
Into the deepest part of you and me.

CHORUS
His eyes are always upon you;
His eyes never close in sleep.
And no matter where you go,
You will always be in His eyes, in His eyes.

Sometimes His voice comes calling
Like rolling thunder,
Or like driving rain;
And sometimes His voice is quiet,
And we start to wonder
If He knows our name.
But He who spoke peace to the water
Cares more for our hearts than the waves,
And the voice that once said "You’re forgiven",
Still says "You’re forgiven" today.

Sometimes I look above me when stars are shining
And I feel so small;
How could the God of heaven and all creation
Know I’m here at all.
But then in silence He whispers,
"My child, I created you too
And you’re my most precious creation;
I even gave my Son for you."

Parenting

• 12:30am: Crawl in bed after a long day, no nap for me, and a great night with great friends.

• 4 to 5am: Baby wakes up crying, a lot, 3rd night in a row. Back locks up when I reach to get her out of her crib.  Try everything from patting to holding to rocking to letting her cry. Nothing works.

• 5am: Try feeding her as a last resort. It seems to have worked. Looked down and it hits me: she's sound asleep, still latched on, and SO. UNBELIEVABLY. BEAUTIFUL. as she just peacefully lays there. Have a "I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world" moment. Go back to bed and hubby's alarm goes off for bike riding. "Moment" quickly ends.

• 6am: Finally fall asleep and he gets a text on my phone about said ride.  Bring my phone to him in the kitchen, drop it on the counter without a word, and stumble back to bed.  Barely fall back to sleep and he (sweetly) comes in to thank me for letting him know about the text and tell me he's going to ride close to home for just an hour or two instead.  I still love him, even though he's woken me up.  Again.  The night is starting to feel like a big joke now.

• 7am: Baby cries again. Feed her again to get our "normal" day started. Falls asleep as she nurses.  Hopefully she stays that way like she should.

• 7:30am: I'm now wide awake. And so is the boy (who went to bed over an hour late).  But at least he's in a GREAT mood!

And so our day begins. With coffee.

Parenting: the greatest reward, but the hardest job you'll ever have - physically, mentally, AND emotionally!

My voice is groggy, my vision is blurry, and my body is weary...but I {honestly!} wouldn't trade it for the world.

A Glimpse

The day after we got home from our vacation at the beach, Avery was having a tough time.  That afternoon, it was time for her to eat but she just cried and cried and really just all-around flipped out every time I tried to feed her.  There came a point that the only way she could be consoled was when her Daddy was holding her.  I began to feel hurt.  I began to feel rejected.  I began to feel frustrated.  It turns out, she was tired.  Overly tired, actually.    We put her to bed and she woke up a little later, eating with no problems at all.  Like nothing ever happened.  I thought the worst was behind us...until earlier this morning.

I was quite distraught to realize the same exact thing was happening again.  I knew deep down inside that she was tired again and that it was not "me" she was rejecting...but it still felt like it.  It was time for her to eat.  I had so much to give her - to the point that it (literally) hurt me that she wouldn't just take it.  It was there.  It was ready.  I had made it just for her.  All she had to do was calm down and realize it.  It was such a simple answer.

Suddenly, through my tears of frustration, I had a small Whisper of a thought...I wonder if this is how God feels about us.  He has so many things to give us.  Things that are just what we need.  It must sadden Him just like it did me when we don't stop long enough to realize the Answer is right there in front of us.  All we have to do is calm down and turn in the Right direction to see it.  It's so simple, yet...we cry.  We get mad.  We yell and scream.  We give up.  Eventually, we think to turn to Him, but - sadly - often it's not before He's already felt the pains of Fatherhood - the rejection and the hurt that we won't just take His gift so we can rest, completely fulfilled.

I'm not sure I'll ever feed Avery and not think of this again -- I know I'm guilty of it, so I'm thankful for the reminder.