18 Weeks and Counting...

As of today, I'm officially 18 weeks along!  I had an ultrasound on Thursday, where we found out there will be lots of pink in our future...IT'S A GIRL!

Due to the fact that she is not genetically related to either my husband or I, my doctor sent me for a comprehensive ultrasound.  The technician felt it was a bit early to be doing one, (she prefers at least 20 weeks) but she tried her best.  I have to go back in 4 weeks to finish it up, partially because the baby would not flip over so she could complete her assessment, but also because certain things (like her heart) are just not big enough yet for them to truly evaluate it.  (I must say, I'm not upset that I get to spend another half hour of my life looking at the little princess growing inside of me!)

God, You are so amazing.

(Post copied from our Embryo Adoption blog.)

National Adoption Month

If you have not already heard, November is National Adoption Month.  I've shared similar thoughts and the video below on another blog several years ago, but now that I'm in a different place in my life, I find myself thinking about it all again.

I encourage anyone who reads this, if you know of someone who is pregnant and unsure...please, please, PLEASE encourage them to look into adoption.  Even if they don't go through with it and decide to parent the child themselves, they can get counseling to help them walk through their decision and they will not be alone.

You see, I would not be the person I am today if not for adoption.  My pregnant (with our second adopted child), emotional self can hardly stand to think of where I might be if that miracle had not come into my life almost three years ago.  It's not that I was headed down a bad path or anything; I just can't even fathom how -- emotionally -- I would have been able to keep on going.  If we had not chosen adoption, it would have meant giving up on my dreams of being a mom.  It would mean that I would not know the feel of sweet little boy hugs and kisses and I would not know the sound of his voice.  I would not know of his scents and I would not know the things he fears or the things he loves.  I would not know him and I would not have the memories of the first moments we became a forever family; the thoughts I had and the feelings I felt the instant he was placed in my arms.  Where there once had been a huge, aching hole, my heart was immediately full and overflowing.  The thought of missing out on those moments makes my heart shatter into millions of pieces.  

Thankfully, God knew.  While my husband had been ready for years (and never told me, but waited for me to come to the decision on my own), God changed my heart and prompted me to pursue this new road in our lives.  He knew just what we needed and created this little boy to be ours; to fit perfectly into our family.  I know that it was Him who guided my boy's birthmom through all of the family profiles and caused her to choose only ours to give her most precious gift.

Many people are afraid, as I once was, of birthmothers.  The things you see on TV often encourage this fear, but in reality, adoptive families are very well protected by laws if things are done correctly.  The book I referenced in our other blog changed our views about birthmothers.  They're not crazy people who make rash decisions.  They're incredible women who love their child SO much that they choose a different life for them when they know they can not provide.  I can't even fathom what it must take to have the strength to follow through with this decision and know you made the right choice...but I'm glad there are women out there who do.

** Warning: Even when I'm not pregnant, I sob when I watch this video **

(You can also view this video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqqj35r8aUc)

Greater - Stronger - Lighter.

Two posts in one day?!  Sometimes it's necessary because I just can't stop singing this song...

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God...


And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?

..."What could stand against"?  NOTHING.  This weekend, You tore through my carefully built walls of hurt, bitterness and rejection, completely removing what has weighed me down for so long.  I can physically feel that it's gone.  Because of You, my heart feels lighter.  Happier.  More like my old self again.  It's no wonder I can't help but sing Your praises.

Reflecting

Hello Little One,

I'm thinking about you today.  I think about you all the time.  It's been over 7 weeks since the last time I saw you and I'm so anxious to see you again.  We survived our first trimester together and, while I spent too much time wishing it away due to morning sickness, I can't believe that over a third of our time together is already over.  It's so hard to believe I have been waiting for 8 years to experience everything I've experienced since July 20th.

Not many women can say that each of their children has made them a new mother, but I can.  Your big brother waltzed into our lives in a rush that flew by us so fast, we hardly knew what happened.  He made me a Mommy and gave me my first time experiences as a mom.  You, on the other hand, are taking a bit slower of a route, requiring a lot of patience, waiting, and nervousness.  When you are born -- and even right now and the months to come -- you are also giving me new experiences as a mother that I have never had before.  I have never known what morning sickness and fatigue was like.  I have never felt a baby move or kick from inside me.  I have never felt labor pains.  I have never known what it is like to look into the precious eyes of a little one that my body helped to nurture and grow as God created you inside me.  I have never nursed a child or known that bond that can only happen between mother and child.  Thanks to you, I will have known all of these things by the time April rolls around.

I love the fact that each of you have brought a newness to my life; that God gave each of my children a unique, precious gift to give to me.  I pray that you will always know the amazing God we serve and you will never forget the miracles He gave your Daddy and me when he brought you and your brother into our lives.  I can hardly wait to see you again next week...please don't be bashful so I know if I should start buying pink or organizing all of our blue!

Love,
Mommy

My Heart Today: A Confession

I have a confession.  The mothering side of my heart has NOT been very happy these days.  There's no good reason for it; I've just had ZERO patience with my boy.  There's no excuse, really.  Nor is there any excuse for my behavior toward him.  Once my hubby gets home, my world is set straight again and all is well, but I've really been struggling these last couple weeks in the hours he is not around.  I woke up this morning and vaguely remembered praying during a random waking moment that God would help me with this today.  As I sat down to read my Bible, this happened to be a portion of what was laid out for me today (from 1 Thessalonians 5:14-18):

...Be patient with EVERYONE.
...ALWAYS be joyful.
...NEVER stop praying.
...Be THANKFUL in ALL circumstances for this is God's will for you.

I'll be the first to admit that I was convicted (and then some)!  What amazed me the most was that I set down my Bible and was immediately confronted with a highly annoying situation.  I was shocked when I caught myself about to react in the way I usually do and instead of words coming out of my mouth, I was silenced and instead took a deep breath, thinking "be patient with EVERYONE (including your 2 year old)...always be joyful (even when you're easily irritated for no good reason)..."  Because of this, today has been a little bit better than my last two weeks.  I won't pretend like it was a perfect day because, honestly, I'm far from being perfect.  After the way I've felt though, any improvement is welcome.

Thankful

Lately, I feel as if I do way too much moaning and groaning and do not focus enough on the things that truly matter in my life.  In all reality, life is great.  I may complain about a day of not feeling well.  I may complain about a difficult 2 1/2 (+) year old.  I may complain about how I feel like my house isn't ever clean anymore.  But really, life is just how I want it to be.  The bad things make you appreciate the good.  Without them, we wouldn't ever realize just how great things are.  Today was a good day...no...a great day.  We all laughed, we played, we had fun -- and I stopped doing the dishes to go kiss my man and tell him how much I love this life we have together.  I wouldn't trade even my worst day of it for anything in the world, because it's ours.

Thank You, Father for all You've given us.  May I never forget and take things for granted, like the privilege of kissing my little one's "stinky foots" when he falls (forcing him into a giggling fit because he thinks it's funny that he got me to kiss his foot).  I'd do anything for that boy, Lord.  He's the gift in my life that came straight from You and I treasure him oh, so much.  I'm forever blessed because You love me enough to create this perfect life for me.

*blissful sigh*

Something Special

I was shopping with my husband several months ago and walked past a display of Willow Tree figurines.  I'm not a "figurine" type of girl, nor am I a collector of things...okay...other than Starbucks City Scape mugs, I admit!  For some reason though, these pregnancy/mothering figurines have always tugged at my heart.  I told him that when I get pregnant, he should buy one for me.  Knowing me and how I do not normally like this sort of thing, he didn't understand why.  *boys!!*  I never mentioned this to anyone, but still, every time I saw them, I felt that same tender tug.

A very special friend blessed me with one yesterday, completely out of the blue.  It's called "cherish: awaiting a miracle".  Every time I look at it today, it brings a peaceful smile to my face and it warms my heart.  I am, indeed, awaiting yet another miracle in my life.  Thank you, my sweet friend.  Your sweet and tender spirit blesses me in more ways you'll ever know!

(For the record, I may have been too tired & out of it to cry yesterday, but I'm crying now as I remember!)