Just Believe

Don't be afraid; just believe.  - Mark 5:36

The last few days, I admit, I've been a little afraid again.  I'm afraid to lose, I'm afraid to hope.  I'm afraid to let myself "go there" for fear of what will need to be reassembled, should everything be shattered to pieces.  I realize I'm going directly against God's Word, and that's exactly why I sit here and write.  I've had several scriptures that I've been holding onto - very tightly - for the last few weeks.  As I sat down to look over them again, the one I mentioned above struck me the hardest.  I'd like to think that Jesus was speaking directly to me when I read that a few minutes ago (though my situation is not the same as the "woman's").

The only thing that I know to do is to trust; to HOPE, that this is exactly what He's trying to get through to me.  Just believe.

Wait.

Another blog I follow recently posted this poem by Russell Kelfer and wow, did it "set me straight" today...

Desperately,
helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently,
lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.....

and the Master so gently said,
Wait.

Wait? you say wait?
my indignant reply.
Lord, I need answers,
I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance
and you tell me to Wait?

I'm needing a yes,
a go-ahead sign.
Or even a no,
to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord,
that if we believe,
We need but to ask,
and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking,
and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!
I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again, Wait.
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God,
So, I'm waiting
for what?????

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said,
I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and
darken the sun. I could raise the dead
and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek 

and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want
but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know
the depth of My love
for each saint.

You'd not know
the power that I give
to the faint.

You'd not learn to see
through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust
just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy
of resting in Me
when darkness and silence
are all you can see.

You'd never experience
the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit
descends like a dove.

You would know that I give,
and I save, for a start,
But, you'd not know the depth
of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort
late into the night,
the faith that I give
when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond
getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who
makes what you have last.

You'd never know should
your pain quickly flee.
what it means that My grace
is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams
overnight would come true,
but, oh, the loss, if you missed
what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child
and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts
is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers
seem terribly late,
My most precious answer
of all is still........

Wait.

He Leads Me

Last Sunday, I stood in church during praise and worship and suddenly had a "picture" in my mind.  I was in a beautiful garden, walking down a path.  As I looked ahead, the stones were not laid out already for me to walk upon.  Instead, God was there with me, laying each stone as I took another step.  I got the feeling it was all to remind me that He goes before me and leads me down this path through the beautiful garden of my life.  It was so beautiful and such perfect timing that I tried so hard to hang on to that picture; to remember that He guides my steps (Proverbs 16:9).

I didn't tell anyone about this; even my husband.  Not because I was keeping it to myself on purpose -- it just never occurred to me until Tuesday morning.  We were on our way to a very important appointment and I decided to check my email.  A good friend of mine had sent me this scripture:

Yes the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for Him!  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 

"This is the way; walk in it."  

- Isaiah 30:18, 21 -

Just minutes away from the office, I quickly tried to contain my tears as I explained to my husband why I was crying.  I don't know why I was surprised at His perfect timing, but once again, there it was. Just the thing I needed to hear at just the right moment.

Why am I constantly surprised at His goodness?

My Heart

Psalm 138:2-3, 8
...I praise Your name for Your unfailing love and faithfulness; for Your promises are backed by all the honor of Your name.  As soon as I pray, You answer me; You encourage me by giving me strength.
...The Lord will work out His plans for my life -- for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

Psalm 139:1-6, 9, 13-17
O Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me.  You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.  You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.  You know everything I do.  You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.  You go before me and follow me.  You place your hand of blessing on my head.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
...If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, EVEN THERE Your hand will guide me, and Your strength will support me.
...You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous -- how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.  EVERY DAY of my life was recorded in Your book.  EVERY MOMENT was laid out before a single day had passed.  How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!

These are the things in my heart this morning.  After reading all of these scriptures, how can I be anxious?  How can I wonder?  How can I even consider fear?  Nothing in my life is a surprise to God, for He created me for such a time as this.  If I believe that He goes before me and follows me, then I'm covered from both sides.  Life is going according to His plan and He already knows the outcome, so I continue to REST in Him.  What else can I do?

Perfect. Simply perfect.

I shared with a friend of mine that I have begun to feel a bit of worry set in.  I can not force situations and God can put a stop to anything, no matter how pushy I can get.  I know this.  So why do I feel worried that this is not of Him?  Am I not worthy?  Do I not deserve this?  Did I not have enough faith?  Of course I am, I do, and I (still) do.  It's silly, really, for me to even go down this path.

She told me about a message she's heard recently.  Basically, it was about resting.  There are some things you just need to quit praying about for a while and REST in the fact that God is in control.  As soon as she said that, I knew it's what my soul needs right now.  I've made signs to remind myself...

Rest in Him...
God has provided;
He has a plan for us;
He knows what He's doing!

There are so many things swarming around my head right now -- details, plans, concerns, excitement, dates, ups and downs, questions...what I truly need to do is rest in Him.  He knows me better than I know myself; He created me.  He knows what I can handle and won't give me anything more than I can bear, for He is my refuge and my strength.  I hold unswervingly to the hope I profess, for He who promised is faithful! (Hebrews 10:23 NIV)  So 'adios', worry...I'm leaving you behind to go curl up and rest in my Father's arms.

Entirely

I've referenced this scripture before, but the reality of it hit me, once again, today.

You are entirely faithful.

- Psalm 89:8 -

You never cease to amaze me.  Just when I've started to resolve that I'm about to be taught a lesson in patience, You give what I've fervently been asking for.  I may not feel worthy, but I certainly feel grateful.

Memorial Day

Today, I'm stopping to remember our troops.  Thank you to those who are fighting, to those who are about to depart, to those we have already lost, and to the families and loves ones who are longing to see them again.  Without you, we would not have the freedom we have.  There are not sufficient words to describe my gratefulness.