Teaching You

I often wonder, even worry, about the things I'm teaching you.  I see you mimic me all the time.  Sometimes it's a simple chin tap while saying, "hmmm".  Today, it was gently touching my chin and cheek while turning my head as you were trying to get my attention to tell me something...just like I do to you!  You even cock your head slightly when you talk to me...I'm sure I do the same.

I wonder, do you try to copy me when you're angry and that's why you behave/react the way you do?  How embarrassing.  I often feel as if I'm seeing myself displayed in front of me, and I must say, it's not attractive.  The things that you do that irritate me to no end -- is that really just a reflection of myself?

Aside from the physical quirks, I hope that, of all the things you see me do in the course of your life, that you mimic the good things and not just the bad.  I hope that you see the person I strive to be and not the person I'm not proud to be in "those moments".  I suppose I should begin to outwardly show you the person I strive to be -- I'm not sure how to share what's in my heart on a two year old level, but if I start now, maybe I'll be in the habit of it when you're old enough to know what I'm rambling about.  I'm not sure I was really warned about this side of parenting -- the scary side.  Sure, I knew it wasn't all easy, but WOW.  God has given me a lot of responsibility here; I'd better get it right.

You...

You...make me smile.  You...make me sing.  You...give me my heart's desires, even when I don't even realize I wanted them.  You...give me life.  You...create each beautiful day as a gift to us to enjoy.  You...are the Reason for all the wonderful things in my life.  You...make my heart happy.  You...give me peace when it is needed, strength when I am week, and gifts when I don't deserve them.  You...are in control of ALL things, Your plan for my life set in motion before I was even formed.  You...know better than I do, even though it's taken me years to finally "get" that.  You...are everything to me.  You...are my Father.  You...are guiding our lives according to Your perfect will.  You...have set me here, at this time, for this purpose.  You...make me speechless.

My Little Friend

I do so much moaning and groaning about my 2 year old, but the fact of the matter is...he's also my little friend these days.  I love to listen to him talk, suddenly bursting out in laughter, declaring himself (or something else) "fah-nee".  I love to watch his little diapered bottom running through the house in his skinny little pj's, dragging his blankie with him.  I even, on occasion, love when he takes my hand to drag me into the next room because he wants to "fwaaaaay" (play).  He gives random hugs and kisses, (though not as often as I'd like!) and I've even heard a "love you" a time or two in response to my own.  If I laugh at something that happens, he loves to rehash it all over again -- just like a certain family I know -- talking about exactly what had just happened and laughing the whole time.  I don't even mind getting fake sneezed on, as he's recently learned the term "bless you".

I'm madly in love with my little guy and remember the advice given to me so long ago by a dear woman at church.  She told me, "I'd better not ever hear you calling them the "terrible 2's", for they're the "TERRIFIC 2's".  I totally get that, Lois.  I totally get it.

Longing

Hello, Spring flowers.  Can't you see that I am longing for you?  Sure, I enjoy a good snow and a chilly winter day -- but this sun I've been seeing has given me the itch for you.  It's teasing me, pretending like it's there to make things grow into beautiful and colorful creations, but in reality, it's still cold and it wouldn't surprise me if I heard it's going to snow or something.  But it's always like this at this time of year -- it's the beginning of March.  Time for spring fever, time for longing to be outside, time to anxiously await the chance to be warmed by the sun, nearly time for baseball season.  In no time, this longing will pass and I'll be wishing for cooler temps again, but until then...please come soon!

Taken for Granted

It occurred to me last night that there are things in life that I take for granted.  Surprisingly, the biggest one is my son.  My husband and I had just gotten in bed after both checking on our son, sound asleep in his big boy bed.  We were talking about how much we love that little guy, when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  For someone who shed so many tears for so many years to become a mom...lately, I sure have not been acting like I appreciate this gift that's been given to me!  Sure, I can blame it on being sick for what feels like an eternity.  I can blame it on him being sick for a while, reoccurring ear infections, not sleeping well, or just "being 2".  I can say that my attitude isn't right because I haven't been working out, releasing those "happy endorphins" (as a wise woman once recommended to me...it's true!).  I can come up with a very long list, but the truth is, there is not ONE good excuse in this world.  This little boy was literally dropped into my arms from Heaven for me to love, teach, appreciate, mold, and send out to live his own life.  If someone gave you a precious gift, you wouldn't just carelessly toss it aside.  You'd put it in a place of honor; a place where it could not be damaged or broken.  You would take pride in caring for it.  It would give you joy when you looked at it, reminding you of how sweet the Giver was to think of you.  (For the record, I do not carelessly toss my son aside or put him in a place where he could be damaged or broken!)

Thank you, God for my gift.  Please help me to remember the path that led me here to him.  Even in my times of being "a mother of a strong 2 year old", help me to remember exactly what he means to me and how much I love him, even when he's screaming "NOOOOOOOOOO!" at me for the 968th time that hour.  For even then, he's still the best thing that has happened to us.

The Luckiest

Ben Folds has a song, "The Luckiest" and it always makes me think of my husband.  The reason for this is that it's true; I am the luckiest.  It's sad that it takes him being away to make me remember just how much I have in him.  He spoils me, really.  So many husbands and fathers just leave everything up to the wife/mom to take care of, but not mine.  He gives as much of himself that he can to us both of us.  He actually wants to be involved and to do things for our son.  He misses us when he's away.  I'm a blessed woman and when it comes down to it, I really could not ask for more in a man.  I sure do love him!

Bad Days

Sometimes I think I'm having a bad day...or a bad week...or a bad "season" in life.  My boy is sick and tired, yet he doesn't sleep as long as he needs to.  Enter "extremely irritable two year old".  Combine that moody little boy with a mom who has compassion for a while...but as the virus goes on...begins to feel some symptoms of her own.  I now understand the tired, yet not sleeping well aspect he's experiencing.  I understand the crankiness due to a raw throat.  I'm still not to the point of declaring myself "sick" but I think I'm certainly on the road to it, though I'm not going down without a fight!  Coincidentally, the hubby is feeling the same way.  Not good, considering he's about to go on a business trip for a few days.  I woke up this morning, wallowing in my sour attitude and sat down with my daily Bible reading.  Matthew 27 talks about when Pilate asked the crowd who they wanted him to release, Barabbas or Jesus.  The crowd demands Barabbas, while regarding Jesus they shout, "Crucify Him!"  It goes on in verses 27-31 to say: "Some of the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into their headquarters and called out the entire regiment. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him. They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head, and they placed a reed stick in his right hand as a scepter. Then they knelt before him in mockery and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and grabbed the stick and struck him on the head with it. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified."

Totally different circumstances than my own, but it made me pause and realize...maybe things aren't so bad.  Anything I've gone through this week and the week to come are nothing compared to what Jesus endured for me.  I think I'll survive.