Thinking

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Before our son came home and made me a mom, emotionally, I could not hardly stand to be around pregnant women, for it seemed as if "being pregnant" was all they talked about (and, quite frankly, it hurt too much to hear all about it).  It got better after I could at least relate to the motherhood side of things, but I found myself in many conversations where I just could not relate and had nothing to contribute.  Since I've been pregnant, I've tried to keep my thoughts and words under control, but as I get closer to baby girl's arrival, I find myself doing it...I'm just like everyone else, maybe even annoying because I'm so obsessed by all of it.  Hopefully, if you're reading my blog, you expect this and will not be surprised in the least that 99% of my latest - and future - posts will at least mention "the baby"!  :)  [NOTE: Umm...I think I might have blogged about all of that already.  Sorry.  I can't remember anymore!]

Okay, back to my original intent for this post...these thoughts I've been having.  Some are normal, some are more serious and emotional, and some are just plain irrational -- for instance -- What if this is just some big joke all of these doctors are playing on us and there's not really a baby in there?  {Umm, excuse me, but...WHAT?!!  You've seen the baby, Sarah.  You've felt the baby.  You know the baby is in there.  ...Who even thinks that sort of thing?!} It's not like it's something I've dwelled on or anything -- it was more of a passing thought as I was trying to fall asleep last night.  It stuck with me this morning because I found it to be so hilariously ridiculous and apparently, I felt the need to admit it to the world (well, anyone who reads this).

Other thoughts are more natural (and very random!)...
- I still wonder what she'll look like.  (In our case, this is a BIG mystery!)

- My water...

• Will my water break when I'm sitting in church, causing me to have to "nonchalantly" walk to the back of church as it drips down my legs, leaving a spot on the pew and a trail the whole way up that massively long aisle?  
• Should we start sitting in the back pew at some point, for that reason?  
• Will I wake up in the middle of the night and think I've wet the bed?  
• Will I have to have it done in the hospital because it didn't break on its own?  
• What if I'm driving in the car, trying to tune out my boy's demands, exhausted after a shopping trip and it breaks right there as I'm driving down the road?  
• Does that ruin car seats?  lol

- Labor...

• Will I go into labor when my hubby is at work or at home?
• Will he actually answer his phone when I make "the call" or will I be driving myself and our 3 year old to the hospital?  (Okay, that one's a bit extreme.)
• Who is going to take our boy for us, for how long, and how is that all going to work?
• Who is going to want to be at the hospital?
• Will I really try to do this without an epidural, or will I feel my first contraction and think I was absolutely INSANE for considering it?
• Will it be a natural labor process or will I be induced for some reason?  
• When will she'll arrive -- early April?  Late March?  Just not on my sweet little miracle nephew's 1st birthday, PLEASE God!  (There are two links to "his story" there.)

- Will she look like us at all?  In an adoption, it's not common, but (amazingly) our boy sure does!
- I can't believe it's February already...when our childbirth classes and (two) baby showers are scheduled!
- I'm still itching to get her room finished, but must wait on the hubby to hang everything.  Having patience is one thing, but I'm about to set my foot down and claim it's "nesting".  I mean, the picture frames have been ready to hang for like TWO WHOLE DAYS!  lol

Then there are some more serious...
- Surely, after carrying her for 9 months, I'll bond with her as if she were genetically my (our) own, right?  ...RIGHT?
- I can do this whole "SAHM of two, breastfeeding a newborn for the first time with an active and persistent 3 year old boy" thing.  I'm not the first to do it.  I can handle it.
- On that note, I may not let my husband leave to go to work ever again.  At least for the first 6 months.
- Breastfeeding.  Let's not even get me started on the questions I have about that.  Hopefully, this class we're taking next week will answer a lot of my concerns!

Apparently, it makes me feel better to do a "mental dump" post like this every now and then. No, I didn't answer any of my questions -- there aren't answers right now to most of them -- but at least it's not all swirling around in my head anymore!