Do You Know?

As Mother's Day approaches, I find myself thinking about you a lot.  I sat behind a girl in church last week who reminded me of you, and ever since then, I can't get you out of my head.  It's been two years and four months since our little guy was born.  I've written letters, trying to capture every milestone, every cute thing he does, every new personality trait that seems to emerge daily.  We haven't heard back from you even once and it makes me wonder...

Do you know how incredible he is?  Do you know that I'm sure he is the cutest little boy to walk this earth?  Do you know that he cracks me up - often - every day?  Do you know that he is my little friend?  Do you know that he is starting to show some sensitivity?  Do you know that he adores certain people in this world?  Do you know he has that little freckle?  Do you know he has a few cowlicks on his head that drive me insane?  Do you know that I love him more than myself?  Do you know he has the most amazing eyes?  Do you know that his lips and cheeks are irresistibly kissable?  Do you know that he's off the charts in both his height and weight, yet he's as fit as can be?  Do you know that his hugs and "wuv yu's" can melt my heart faster than anything else?  Do you know that he remembers things that I have completely forgotten?  Do you know that he loves to sing, ALL the time?  Do you know that he is the best thing that has ever happened to us?

There are so many more things I wonder if you know, and I often ask myself why I am so concerned with this.  Isn't my life "easier" because you are not around?  Some might suggest it is, but I'm not so sure.  I'd love to know more about you, your family, your history.  He's a part of you, and I'd love for you to know him.  I know he'll have questions when he gets older, just like I did as a child, and I'd love to be able to answer those questions for him -- or at least to be able to send him to you.  Instead, the only consolation that I can give him is that I can somewhat relate.  At least we have that in common; I actually treasure that.  I hope and pray it reassures him when he gets older and begins to ask questions.  You're missing out on so much of his life and I know that you would be blessed to know him, but it's not my decision.  I just have to sit back and trust that you know what's best for you.  I may not understand it, but I have to roll with it.  Maybe some day you'll change your mind -- for his sake, and ours, I sure hope you do!